My dark basement lair was invaded by Farmer H last week. Just because there's no door, he thinks he can pop in whenever he wants. He thinks he's sneaky about it, but I can hear him stumping down the 13 wooden steps on his footless ankles. I might need to burn some sage around my doorway to keep him out.
"It's hot in here."
"No. It's too cool."
"Running that heater heats up the house. It makes the air conditioner work harder."
"It's just a little heater under the desk. There aren't even any vents in my office."
"Well, the heat goes right up through the floor."
"How come it doesn't make the living room warmer in the winter? Besides, the thermostat is set on 74 now. I can't imagine how this heat is making the air conditioner come on."
"It must be 80 in here!"
"I don't think so. I can't stand the heat. That's why I stay out of the kitchen, heh, heh! But really, when the power is off, and the air conditioner isn't working? I am miserable at 76 degrees. So I'm pretty sure it's not 80 in here. I'm just taking the chill off, and it makes my knees feel better. I'd be all red-faced and sweaty if it was 80. Upstairs it may be 74, but down here it's cooler. I need a blanket when I'm in my OPC (Old People Chair) with the heater on!"
The Moderator of Basement Office Temperatures took out his Samsung Stylo 5, and said, "I'm going to test the temperature."
"What in the NOT-HEAVEN! How can you do THAT with your phone?"
"The same way it tells you the outside temperature."
"Um. That comes from the weather station near you. Your phone is not actually taking the temperature. A phone isn't full of mercury, and doesn't have a bimetallic strip like a thermostat. It doesn't read temperature."
"I say it does."
"No."
"Well, I will get a thermometer and put it in here."
"Where?"
"If I have one in the workshop, I'll get it right now!"
"Okay. You do that."
"Huh. I don't see one," he said through the wall. "I'll bring one from the BARn."
"Fine."
Heh, heh! I felt like a wily over-imbiber, trying to avoid getting pinched by the coppers for drunken driving by blowing a high percentage on a breathalyzer. I had turned off my underdesk heater, and knew the longer it took Farmer H to complete his mission, the cooler my lair would become...
The joke was on me, though! Farmer H never did bring back a thermometer! I'm pretty sure he was just gaslighting me about his phone telling me the temperature in my lair. Right? Because surely he would have done so if it actually worked.
5 comments:
Here is a link for Farmer H. Please forward it to him.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07Z5MYMBW/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=bitht_010720_check-room-temperature-with-iphone-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=B07Z5MYMBW&linkId=45016d5a56378b80bc0eca56e49dfab0
I wanted to help him be able to determine the temperature inside the house. You might be making the house too hot in the summer, causing Farmer H to unnecessarily transform into a hothead.
I'm helpful that way...
I can handle 76 degrees, it's when the temps get up around and over 80 that I feel uncomfortable.
Heat does rise, so maybe it is felt upstairs, but I'd say only in the small area directly above where your under desk heater is and not by much since the desk would absorb most of the heat.
Sioux,
Thank you, Madam, but to paraphrase Mattie Ross of near Dardanelle in Yell County, "I would not put a thief in my house to steal my thoughts."
Next thing you know, I'd be hearing commands from some weirdo who has hacked it.
Too bad, looks like it is currently out of stock. Just as well. Can't have Farmer H trying to use a gadget that is smarter than he. It's enough that his smartphone has him beat.
***
River,
The heat is absorbed by my desk and my knees, and what drifts above surfaces within 6 feet of the thermostat, which would kick on and cool the Mansion. Since the AC does not run continuously when my heater does, and runs even when I'm upstairs and my heater is off... I think Farmer H is delusional. And manipulative!
I am the one turning the air off here. We have a window unit that blows directly on me! I will turn the thermostat up, causing him to employ a fan that blows in his face. On the other hand, he will turn it on or up with the back door and windows open. Drives me crazy!
Kathy,
I don't know where they got the idea THEY are the ones in control!
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