Today I took my life in my hands when I approached the teacher lunch table. I am not sure which faculty faux pas I have most recently committed. But for some odd reason, I was in for an eye-lashing. That's like when somebody undresses you with his eyes. Only different. He stabs a dagger through your heart with his eyes. But leaves you fully dressed.
Then Arch Nemesis rolled up and commanded me to check my email. Which I do on an as-needed basis. Meaning I log in each morning, then close it out. Sometimes I check it on my plan time, which is over at 10:00. Then I check again after school. Apparently, Archie had sent me a notice that she was missing a national treasure. And I was so unkind as to not only refuse to respond, but to go on about my business without solving riddles, trespassing, stealing pieces of history, and exploring underground lairs. The very nerve of me!
As Archie came down the hall after lunch, I accosted her from my watching station. The whole world will pass by if you wait long enough. "Have you been trash-talking me this morning? I would ask if you have been trash-talking me in general, but for the love of Sweet Gummi Mary, let's keep this to a manageable frame of reference."
"No. I don't think I have today..."
"All right. I'll just have to dig deeper for the catalyst for my eye-lashing."
"I lost my important book. With the answer key. Do you have yours? Can I borrow it?"
"What makes you think I haven't lost mine? And IF I have it, why would I loan it to a loser?" Okay, I didn't say those exact words. But I alluded to them. In a cipher. Because I'm all about protecting national treasures. I spent thirty minutes looking for that tome. And finally found it. In the last place I looked.
I called Archie and asked if copies of the answer keys would be enough. Sure. So I copied them on my classroom copier, one at a time, twelve pages, and then sent them by foot messenger to Archie's room. Because that's the kind of gal I am. All of us. We will assist our worst enemy for the good of the cause.
Because a teacher is powerless without her answer key.