Monday, October 29, 2012

My MENSA Application Is In The Mail

The scofflaws are trying my patience.

This afternoon, I smelled an illicit smell within the four walls of my hermetically-sealed classroom. Even with the AIR CONDITIONER pumping away on the roof, freezing us out with the icy drafts in order to keep that room at 72 degrees, though most of the day the furnace struggled to keep the heat at 70 because of outside temps in the forties...I smelled it.

Fingernail polish. Puhhhhlease! This class knows better. It's not our first rodeo. Or nail salon. I immediately looked to the biggest complainer. Funny how I have a sixth sense like that. The dude behind her had moved up beside her, and was sitting sidesaddle on the chair. Kind of like his first rodeo.

"Dude. What are you doing there?"

"Just chillin', Mrs. HM."

"What are you doing?"

"Just chillin'."

"WHAT are you doing? Because I smell a bad smell. And I'm not accusing YOU of smelling bad, Dude, but I have a feeling the two incidents are related."

"Okay. I'm getting my fingernails painted."

"Not anymore. Move back to your seat."

"But it's Red Ribbon Week neon day! That's why I'm getting my fingernails painted. See? They're all different colors."

"Do it on your own time, not mine. You both know the rules. Don't pretend you've forgotten. You're pushing your luck and taking advantage of my good nature."

"But only eight of them are done!"

"Too bad, so sad. Now stay in your right seat, and put your hands on your desk so I can make sure those two fingernails stay unpolished."

"Whoa! How did you KNOW that? How did you know I had two left to paint?'

"Well, Dude, I'm a genius, and a future member of MENSA, the genius society, because I figured that you must have ten fingernails, like most people, and you already told me only eight were done, so I used my mad math skillz and subtracted eight from ten, and because I'm so smart, I know the answer is TWO!"

"Oh. You're really smart."

Let the record show that his buddies found it hilarious that Dude didn't know how I figured out his unpainted digits. It's so simple to outsmart some of the students some of the time.

Like taking fingernail polish from an eleventh-grader.

4 comments:

Sioux said...

Here in BigCityLand, we let the students paint each others fingernails in class. Hey, it might inspire them to get a job at a nail salon some day.

However, we draw the line at toenails. That would be gross, what with the toe jam and all...

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sioux,
Sweet Gummi Mary! How I hate FEET! I'm glad you're training our little English-speaking youth in nailology. It makes the world safer for the Frank Costanzas among us who fear ridicule from former flames in far-away languages.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I have not sent my application in to Mensa yet ....... but I have been heard to say that Mother was right, I am smarter than most of the people around me. Like you, I knew right away how many nails were naked. Just think, he will soon be old enough to vote!

Hillbilly Mom said...

Kathy,
Thank the Gummi Mary, we have two MENSA votes to cancel his misbegotten choices.