When I walked into the garage on Thursday, after treating my Sweet, Sweet Juno and (formerly known as Puppy) Jack with a handful of cat kibble, I was greeted with this sight:
Looks like Farmer H bought himself a safe. Of course, he made no mention of such a purchase. I suppose he expected me to assume that this safe sprang full-blown from the hood of A-Cad. Or maybe not, since Farmer H has not even rudimentary knowledge of Greek mythology.
I DID overhear Farmer H asking The Pony to look for a key for a safe, online.
"I'm looking for the key. I have the combination, but you need to turn the key to let it work. I just need the key. I have all the original owner stuff."
"But Dad, you're not the original owner."
"They don't know that."
"They don't know you have the stuff, either. How do they know that, just by asking online for a key? Don't robbers try to get a key to a safe to rob it that way?"
"Yeah. But they don't have the numbers and the owner's manual book."
"Maybe they steal that, too! Why did you buy a safe without a key?"
"It only cost me $5. Besides, I have everything for THAT safe! I'm talking about the one I have over in the BARn."
"WHY did we need this $5 safe?"
"To put money in!"
"We already have TWO safes in the basement to put money in!"
"There you go again!"
You have at least 6 that I know of. Two in the basement. One in the BARn. Now one
in garage. I know you have a gun safe at your Storage Unit Store. And I'm pretty sure
there's a gun safe in the workshop."
Farmer H's answer was to put on
his coat and leave. Sure, it was time for his weekly shot at the
doctor's office. Still. I'm pretty sure he did not have a response.
Oh, what a wicked web he wove!!!
Saturday afternoon, I was checking my credit card balance on the 800 number. Huh. There was a mysterious charge for $292 and change. From a lumber/hardware store. I know Farmer H went to buy a new doorknob on Tuesday. In fact, he bought two. But he gave me the receipt for them.
That should have been my clue! I'm slipping, people! My membership card for Mystery, Inc. might be revoked!
So...I asked Farmer H, when I had him as a captive audience in A-Cad on the way to The Veteran's house for Christmas festivities, if he charged something for almost $300.
"Yes. A safe."
"Wait a minute! You bought a new safe? Without asking me??? I already told you last week that we do NOT need another safe. I was dead set against it! And now you bought one? For $292? You said you paid $5 for it!"
"That's the one in the BARn. That needs a key."
"You lied! You said you paid $5 for the safe in the garage!"
"Well...I call the BARn a garage sometimes. And I call the garage a barn."
"YOU DO NOT! You deliberately lied about that safe! Did you think I would never find out?"
"Well, you've been mad at me for two days. So I was just waiting until you weren't mad any more to tell you."
"That's bull! You thought I wouldn't find out! This is like when you disappeared one afternoon and bought a $1700 lawnmower without telling me. I didn't know until I saw you drive by and I wondered when the lawnmower changed color."
"You never forget anything! I did buy the lawnmower without telling you. Yes."
"I NEVER spend $1700 or $300 without asking you if we should buy something, or without telling you about it! We don't need 6 safes!"
"Actually, we have 8 safes. I have 3 in the BARn."
If Farmer H is planning to wait on telling me something until I'm not mad any more...he's going to need to wait a very long time.