Sunday, December 16, 2018

There Are None So Blind As Mrs. HM Without Her Glasses

Every morning, I kick back in the La-Z-Boy with HIPPY, checking the local online newspaper and my blogs. Farmer H is already out an about. Sometimes he tells me his plans the night before, sometimes not. I figure he's either puttering around in the BARn or his Freight Container Garage with his precious junk, or at his Storage Unit Store, rearranging and perhaps caressing his precious junk, or out at Goodwills, looking to buy more precious junk.

Because the Mansion is fairly isolated, it's quiet around here, unless the dogs get rambunctious, or a vehicle drives by. Last week, late-morning, I kept hearing a motor running. I glanced out the front window, and didn't see anything. It sounded like something big. Maybe a dump truck like Buddy drives, or a tractor. I waited, and saw a red tractor with a twisty thingy on the back, driving past the Mansion, with a gray car like the Trailblazer following. I figured someone was moving their tractor. When people take them out on the paved roads, they often have a follow car with flashing lights.

I went back to perusing the innernets. But I kept hearing a motor running. Maybe it was UPS with a package. I glanced back again, and saw the Trailblazer coming up the driveway. The dogs started barking. They get all excited when Farmer H comes home, because he frequently hops in the Gator and drives over to the BARn. Those dogs LIVE for running alongside the Gator, barking.

I thought Farmer H might come in and update me on his plans. I waited, in limbo, not able to innernet,yet too lazy to get up and look over to the carport. All at once, over the top of HIPPY's monitor, I saw the Trailblazer speeding down the driveway, back towards the gravel road. Huh. I guess maybe Farmer H had forgotten something, and came home to get it.

WAIT A MINUTE! That wasn't the Trailblazer. It was similar, but the back windows were different. Who was that? Why had they been down my driveway? And I was STILL hearing a motor. That was it! I launched myself out of the La-Z-Boy, and threw open the front door. The Trailblazer was parked under the carport. The Gator was missing. But I immediately saw the source of the motor.

Oh. It was just Farmer H, on his tractor. Wait. NO! This was a RED tractor. Farmer H only has blue and green tractors. But this red tractor was slowly driving across the front yard, from the carport area towards Shackytown, tearing up the rain-soaked sod of the front yard. But Farmer H was driving it. Wait. NO! Was that Farmer H? Jacket, beard, sock cap...all like Farmer H. His general shape.

I swear I thought it was Farmer H, wearing a sock cap. He usually wears a cap with a bill, but in cold weather, he'll wear a sock cap. Driving across the front yard, pretty as you please, on a red tractor with a post hole digger on the back.

As I was looking at possibly Farmer H, with the facial expression that says, "WHAT?" the Tractor Man said, "I'm bringing back the post hole digger." I gave him the "okay" sign, and closed the door. Kind of embarrassed that I didn't know my own husband.

Later, I told Farmer H, and he said it was the adult son of the man (who once threatened to shoot Farmer H, and had to pay $6000 to a lawyer to keep him out of jail) who lives next to HOS.

I am really going to have to start wearing my glasses. Not just for reading any more.

5 comments:

fishducky said...

Seeing is good, too!!

River said...

Wearing your glasses more often is probably a good idea. But I couldn't get that far in the story until I stopped giggling over Farmer H caressing his precious junk.

Hillbilly Mom said...

fishducky,
Yes. It's never overrated!

***
River,
Sometimes my 13 year old self takes over the keyboard!

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Can't see without mine. Are we getting old?

Hillbilly Mom said...

Kathy,
I want to tell myself NO, but my joints put up a good argument when I try to stand.