Farmer H was up at 5:30 Friday morning. He joined me while I was "watching" a movie that came on at 4:15. That should be a clue. No good movie comes on at 4:15 a.m. There was nothing else to watch, save for two channels showing different episodes of The Goldbergs. I like that show, but since nothing else is on at that time, I've seen every episode multiple times already.
Anyhoo... the movie was Meek's Cutoff. I was not impressed. It would have put me to sleep, had I not already dozed off during the last half hour of the survival show Alone. Twice.
"What's this?"
"A movie about three families leaving the Oregon Trail to follow a guide who said he knew a shortcut. It's not very good. I've been watching for an hour and 15 minutes, and all they've done is walk along and mumble and use up their food and water."
Farmer H watched for 10 minutes.
"You got that right. This is as useless as that show of yours. What do you call it? Bumblebees?"
"Yellowjackets? How dare you! Yellowjackets is full of interesting scenes!"
"It's just like this. There ain't no theme to it."
"What in the NOT-HEAVEN??? It has all kinds of action! AND a theme!"
"But it don't make no sense. It jumps around."
"It shows the characters in high school when their plane crashes, and then the survivors as adults, trying to cope with what they did!"
"Don't make no sense."
It's not my fault Farmer H can't follow a plot. How dare he compare a meandering dusty western with undecipherable dialogue to a dynamic series that has teenage girls:
-breaking a soccer player's leg to keep her out of the playoffs
-in a plane crash in the Canadian Rockies stranding them for 19 months
-trying to fly a bush plane they find in the woods
-succumbing to cannibalism
-hunting humans to commit cannibalism
... and their adult counterparts 25 years later:
-being blackmailed with mysterious postcards
-murdering and cutting up a lover assumed to be the blackmailer
-killing a private investigator hostage upon release, with fentanyl-injected cigarettes
-being elected the state's first black woman congressperson (helped by a sacrificial altar)
-climbing trees at night and eating dirt
-lesbian couple's son hitting a kid for calling one of his moms a "cannonball" [cannibal]
Just sayin'... There's a little more action in MY show!
Anyhoo... Farmer H left for his SUS2 (Storage Unit Store 2) before the movie was over. I promised to tell him how it ended. WELP! I didn't really need to. Because NOTHING HAPPENED! Those wagoneers followed an Indian they captured, thinking he would lead them to water. The last scene was them finding ONE TREE, and just standing around it. The Indian kept on walking. The wagoneers mumbled about what to do. The incompetent guide said he'd follow THEIR orders now. Black screen. Fini.
I wasted 1:45 on that so-called movie, to see it end with no conclusion. Compared to that nothingburger, my series is prime rib and lobster!
4 comments:
I don't like the sound of Yellow Jackets anymore than the 4.15 movie, both terrible although YJ does have more action. I never watch anything at that hour, if I can't sleep I'll read a book.
River,
Farmer H could have plainly stated that he did not like YellowJackets. You did, and it didn't hurt a bit, did it? Yet instead, he has to declare that it has no theme, and that it's as boring as a no-action western. Cleary, that's not the case, as my examples show plenty of action.
Typical male. Okay, maybe not typical of all males, but the ones we know and love!
Kathy,
Yep. Any western gets a pass, while shows that make you think do not.
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