Friday, March 4, 2016

The Zombie Apopadopalyspe Comes To Newmentia

It seems like only yesterday Mrs. Hillbilly Mom was bemoaning the behavior of her current crop of pupils. So polite, so respectful, yet not quite up to par in the direction-following department. It must come as a shock to you that Mrs. HM has another two incidents to illustrate her point.

Surely the pupils must have been taken over by a bug. Like the fungi that turn ants into zombies. Something is making these pupils go against all that has been ingrained in them this year. It’s as if the rule-abiding part of their gray matter has been hijacked.

All year, they have understood that what’s theirs is theirs, and what’s Mrs. Hillbilly Mom’s is Mrs. Hillbilly Mom’s. She doesn’t go past their desk and rummage about in their possessions. And in return, she expects them to keep their hands off items on her desk and other furniture. They do not rifle through the files on her bookshelf. Nor the returnable papers in the bins. Nor the stacks of future assignments on the back table near her desk.

Until Thursday.

Sweet Gummi Mary! Those brainwave-hijacking microbes must have been dished out at lunch. Because the afternoon was Mrs. HM’s nightmare.

First cat out of the bag, an upperclassman, who had partaken of Mrs. Hillbilly Mom’s instructional stylings TWICE, so is well-versed in her rules of order…walked into the room, back to his desk, made a pirouette, and


Since when does a pupil decide that the furniture no longer needs to bear the mark of a teacher? The chair had been marked for nigh on 7 years now. Nobody has ripped off the label. So what if it was only a piece of masking tape, with Mrs. HM’s last name, MOM, written on it in her own hand, with the edge a little bit loose? Does that give a pupil the right to rip it right off? Like a bandaid off a boo-boo? NO! That is an overstep of the pupilly bounds.

Faculty members could come waltzing into Mrs. Hillbilly Mom’s room all willy-nilly, using their master keys, which everyone except Mrs. HM seem to possess, and snag that rolly chair for themselves. Or have a custodian abscond with the rolly chair. It has happened before, people! A custodian took a regular student chair out of Mrs. HM’s room, and put in its place a crappy student chair. Flimsy plastic, not the hard wood-like plastic of the chairs handed down from best ol’ ex-teaching buddy Mabel. When interrogated, the custodian replied, “Oh. Mr. WiseGuy told me to get him a chair from your room, and put that one in here.” Yeah. Not happening. He was told to switch them back. By Mrs. HM. Sweet Gummi Mary! Let them get away with something like that, and next thing you know, they'll be peeing on your leg and telling you it's raining.

THEN, after un-naming the rolly chair...Mac The Ripper said, “Do you have some tape? I’ll put your name on it.” Yeah, right. Then what was the purpose of The Ripping?

And not two hours later, a young lady strolled from her desk, past Mrs. HM’s, a distance of approximately 10 feet, and started moving Mrs. Hillbilly Mom’s stacks of future assignments!

WHAT are you doing?”

“Moving these papers.”

“MY papers? Who told you that you can move my papers?”


“Then don’t move my papers! That is not your desk. Leave my things alone.”

“I am just making room to put my books.”

“You have a desk for your books!”

“But they’ll fall off!”

“There is a slot to put them in! It’s just on the other side. So you guys don’t fiddle with your phones, hiding them in there.”

“Do I have to?”

“YES! You know not to move my things.”

Sweet, SWEET Gummi Mary! Those mind-hijackers were working overtime yesterday!


Sioux said...

Perhaps they're trying to drive you to such a precarious edge, you take some of those sick days and string them along, so you can retire earlier than May...

Kathy's Klothesline said...

They must have heard the rumor of retirement and decided to try your patience .....

Hillbilly Mom said...

I think I would need one of those letters saying that I'm crazy. Maybe Kathy below can give me some tips, since a guy wanted to show her his letter one time. At least I THINK it was her who told me that.

Yes. ANY of the last attention from Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is better than NO attention at all.