Farmer H is not so knowledgeable on bargains as he would have you believe. Sure, he can pick up a figurine of Thomas Jefferson sitting on a boot taking a crap for only a dollar. But when it comes to being thrifty, that man is clueless. Farmer H, of course. Not Thomas Jefferson. I’m sure he knew the value of a buck, even though his toileting habits may have been questionable.
Last Monday, I picked up a two-piece Fish ‘n’ Fries for The Pony at Captain
D’s. He looks forward to it every Monday, when we’re over in bill-paying town
for his appointment. Don’t even get me started on their customer service!
That’s a tale for another time.
So anyhoo…The Pony eats his feast in the seat behind me as we drive home. He
usually has a few fries left, and the two hushpuppies. Of course Farmer H is
not letting fried food go to waste. He fends for himself on Monday nights, then
forages through The Pony’s leftovers. The Pony set the bag on the cutting
block. Sometimes I set out the Styrofoam container to make life easier for
Farmer H, but last week, I was busy making myself some Super Nachos. I let the
bag sit there.
When I was packing the lunches Tuesday morning, I looked for the ketchup
packets that we save to put in with The Pony’s daily chicken strip. NO ketchup!
Luckily, we had some from precious weeks in a baggie in the fridge. They’re
quite convenient, you know, for lunch on the go. I hollered to ask The Pony
where he put the ketchup.
“I didn’t put it anywhere. It was in the bag.”
“Where’s the bag?”
“I left it on the cutting block. For Dad to get my fries.”
“It’s not there.”
“I guess Dad threw it away.”
“What? He NEVER throws anything away!
There was a lot of ketchup in that bag!”
“I guess we can look in the trash…” Said The Pony. Knowing full well that
the WE looking in the full wastebasket would be HIM. He took off several items
from the top layer. Then found the edge of the Captain D’s plastic bag. “Here
it is! “ He gingerly pulled it from the rest of the refuse. “Yep. There’s the
ketchup!” He picked out the packets.
SEVENTEEN! Farmer H had thrown away 17 perfectly good packets of Heinz
ketchup! That’s eight lunches for The Pony. We don’t even BUY Heinz ketchup. We
use the Save A Lot brand, Kurtz.
Farmer H needs to put the brakes on his random trash-disposing,
clean-towel-hanging ways of late.
Sometimes, it's better to cohabit with the devil you know than
the devil you don’t.