Wednesday, March 9, 2016

What Are We Going To Do About Jewels?

That's the question I would like to submit for discussion at the next Semi Weekly Meeting of the Newmentia Lunch Time Think Tank. Of course, things may get a little tense if Jewels is actually present. We are unlikely to get as lucky as last week, when she had lunch duty, and left early three out of five days. On the fourth asking pointedly, "Just WHO is on duty this week?"

"YOU ARE!"

The Think Tankers are not shy.

But the abandonment of the cafeteria while on duty is not the problem that needs discussing. No. The topic that needs to be driven home (WITHOUT BEING TAILGATED BY JEWELS...that's a little foreshadowing there) is: Jewels Needs To Pick a Speed And Stick With It.

There. I said it. Just like that Mom Scout problem. Well, maybe not JUST like it, because I don't want to see Jewels standing outside my window after school.

Here's the deal. TWICE on the way to work, Mrs. Hillbilly Mom and The Pony have been cruising along in T-Hoe, minding their own pre-work business, chatting away, when suddenly a chase car appears behind them. This chase car happens to be the exact same make, model, and color driven by Jewels!

The first time, we had just crossed the railroad tracks by the lake. A mini white deathtrap was barrelling up a road from the left. "Look. That guy's going to try pulling out in front of me." But MiniWhite didn't. MiniWhite pulled out behind me. And attached its front bumper to T-Hoe's rear bumper all the way to the crossover at the numbered highway. At which point MiniWhite made a right, while T-Hoe continued across on his regular route.

When we arrived at the Newmentia parking lot, (resplendent with its crackerjack crack patch job), I could have sworn that MiniWhite was parked right there! Right where Jewels parks, in MY old parking spot, just beside the fire hydriant, three spaces up from T-Hoe.

"Pony! I think that was Jewels tailgating us! That's the exact car!"

Flash forward to Monday morning. We were in a hurry, and took an alternate route, which takes us by The Devil's Playground, Little Caesar's, a bank, an automotive store, and a custard shop. Oh, and that Chinese restaurant where my best ol' ex-teaching buddy Mabel got lost one year during the workday lunch. Anyhoo, a miniature white deathtrap was barreling up beside the automotive shop, having come from the direction of The Devil.

"Pony! That car is going to pull out in front of us. NO! It stopped. Oh, great. Now it's going to tailgate us. I bet it's a teacher at that Park School where they hold the Labor Day Picnic. Those teachers are always tailgating. Watch it while I pull in to mail #1's letter. Do you see it? WAIT! It's going past. WAIT A MINUTE! I think that's Jewels in MiniWhite! I'm sure of it! We'll never know, now that she parks at the new building."

Yeah. Jewels. She needs to be that speedy when she's in the faculty women's restroom between sixth and seventh period. Because once she goes in, it becomes the Hotel California. She ain't leavin' anytime soon. Like Monday, when I really needed to get in there, what with having duty in the parking lot immediately after seventh period.

OR...if Jewels wants to use that faculty women's restroom like a spa, having Calgon take her away each afternoon...she could at least have the common decency not to tailgate a T-Hoe already going five miles over the posted speed limit!

Pick a speed, Jewels, and stick with it. Don't make us go into closed session.

3 comments:

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I hate tailgaters!

Sioux said...

Sometimes, after certain people evacuate (their bowels and then the bathroom), you don't WANT to enter anytime soon.

Some things can't be hurried...

Hillbilly Mom said...

Kathy,
You ain't a-woofin'! They deserve to get behind Tweety's grandma, who is behind Mr. Magoo, who is following the Tournament of Roses Parade.

****
Sioux,
There you go, taking sides with Jewels! It's hard to believe she has to do that every single day at that exact time. Without creating a stink. She needs to give her life to science. I mean...join a scientific study.