The Clueful Helping The Clueless

I can still remember the time several years ago, when Farmer H was bemoaning the fact that his goat, Goatrude, did not like him any more.

"She used to come running, and follow me all around. And now that I got those other goats, she ignores me! Like I don't even exist!"

The next day, Farmer H came home from work spouting the most important discovery in the history of the world, having spent time in his office consulting with Mr. Google.

"Goats are HERD ANIMALS!"

"Um... yes. They have been since the beginning of time."

"Well, THAT'S why Goatrude don't follow me any more. She goes with the herd. She's like their leader. She don't need me."

"Uh huh. I could have told you that."

Now Farmer H has amazed me once again with his total ignorance of the animal kingdom. I told him how I'd gotten the fruit fly infestation under control, between smashing the random dumb ones with my thumb, and trapping the more wily with a red Solo cup half-full of tap water and couple drops of dishwashing liquid.

"Huh. If they're really fruit flies..."

"What do you mean by that? What else would they be?"

"Fleas."

"Are you crazy? Why would we have fleas? Fleas don't flit around the kitchen!"

"How do you know?"

"Fleas jump! They're hard and crunchy if you can manage to smash one. They BITE! If you had fleas, you'd know it! You don't get rid of them with a cup of water by the kitchen sink. You need to set off a flea bomb. If we had fleas, your ankles would be eaten up by flea bites. I don't know how you've lived this long without knowing the difference between fleas and fruit flies!"

Sweet Gummi Mary! You'd think Farmer H never lived in a college house with roommates who had Cocker Spaniels!