I'm pretty sure Farmer H has not given up on his quest to kill me. Thursday, he went to the Devil's Playground for dog food and sundry items on a list I gave him. I talked to him around 2:45 to remind him about the Tide detergent I forgot to put on that list. Anyhoo... he was in the store at the time. He knew I was just leaving the Mansion, on my way to the bank, and to Country Mart to pick up big salads for our Friday night supper, and a few other items, including the vanilla wafer cookies he requested.
Anyhoo... as I was starting home at 4:45 from the Gas Station Chicken Store, I tried to call Farmer H. I knew he'd be home already. I wanted him to be ready to help carry in my groceries.
There was no answer. Huh. Maybe he was out mowing again. Or maybe down fiddling with POOLIO's filter. Once I got on the county blacktop road, I tried to call again. No answer. And again, as I was going up our gravel road just before the driveway. No answer.
SilverRedO was parked under the carport as usual. So Farmer H was definitely home. Perhaps snoozing again in the recliner? I don't know. But I DID know that I'd be carrying in those six grocery bags by myself! I had mostly cold stuff. But I was NOT carrying in the three six packs of Diet Mountain Dew.
Little Jack came to greet me as I got out of T-Hoe in the garage. Huh. No Scarlett. She had just been there, barking with the pair of Jacks, behind the garage.
I looped all six bags on my right arm. Thankfully there was nothing really heavy this time. Just the salads, a container of cold fried chicken, some cherry tomatoes, the vanilla wafers, a couple bags of chips, and five boxes of the 5-for-$19.99 frozen items Farmer H likes for a quick supper, or to take to his SUS2 (Storage Unit Store 2) for lunches. Like mini chicken sandwiches and mini cheeseburgers. This time I also found BUFFALO mini chicken sandwiches. And corn dogs. And some mini pizzas.
Anyhoo... I added my purse and metal water bottle to that arm. As I let Jack out the people door, here came Scarlett galloping around the corner of the porch (sliding to a stop).
AHA! That meant Farmer H was down by POOLIO. Scarlett barely lets him out of her sight when he's down there. If he has the gate closed on the porch, she stands and looks through the rail at him.
I know Farmer H knew I was home! You'd have to be deaf not to hear the creaky garage door go up and down, and the dogs barking their fool heads off. In addition, I was yelling at Scarlett, who CANNOT understand a command to GET BACK. Not even with a push to her chest! Even though I do it EVERY TIME I have groceries to set on the metal chair on the side porch, so I don't have to carry them up the steps. A couple days ago, she even got whacked with a 12-pack of Shasta Diet Cola. NOT intentionally! I was trying to lift it up, and she darted toward me, pawing at my chest.
Anyhoo... I was screaming at Scarlett to GET BACK. Explaining loudly (not for HER benefit) that I had all those groceries to put on the chair.
You might imagine how my level of not-happiness increased as I rounded the corner of the porch, and spied Farmer H sitting on a chair on POOLIO's deck!!!
Sweet Gummi Mary! Can you believe that Farmer H had the NERVE to come in through the laundry room door the very minute I was putting away items in the last bag??? I'm sure you can.
"Oh, you still have the knack, don't you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Showing up RIGHT WHEN I GET DONE PUTTING AWAY GROCERIES!"
"I didn't know you was out there."
"You'd have to be deaf not to know. And I called you and called you! What if I was in a wreck? What if my car broke down? You don't answer your phone! You knew I was in town, at the store!"
"I didn't have my phone."
"That's the point!"
"I can't take my phone in the pool, HM."
"Yeah, like that's what I'm suggesting! A phone in the pool! You could put it on the deck where you could hear it!"
"It would get water splashed on it!"
I give up with this guy. What's he doing, practicing synchronized swimming? Doing cannonballs off the side? I've never seen Farmer H splashing water in POOLIO! He lays on a raft, up against the side.
I'm pretty sure Farmer H is trying to kill me. By neglect, or by rage.
2 comments:
I'm not foolish enough to suggest traing Farmer H, but you can train Scarlett, when she runs towards you put out a hand like a stop signal and loudly say "stop" and when she does, say "sit". And then "stay". It might take a while but she will learn. Screaming get back probably doesn't help as much as a short sharp command. Praise when she does the right thing helps a lot too.
River,
I would love to fly you over here to train them both! I've done the hand out and NO thing with Scarlett for over a year. At least she doesn't jump up on me now.
I keep repeating "SIT" and stepping out of range of her leaping as I walk past the side porch. Only within the past month has she started to go stand at the area beside the steps where I pet her if she calms down and sits. Still not sitting every time, but at least going there, and not leaping.
I've had plenty of dogs who learned 10 times faster than Scarlett! I didn't actually expect her to know what GET BACK meant. After all, "SIT" is still not mastered. But a two-work command should be no harder than one. It's not like I was giving a dissertation concerning the reasons I needed her to change her behavior! This was more for Farmer H to hear and feel guilty and come help me. But he is equally (if not more) as untrainable.
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