Nightmare At 12.5 Inches

Mrs. HM had a waking nightmare this week. Don't read this at night!

It was actually the early morning hours when fear handed Mrs. HM her butt. I don't mean to reveal too much about the Hillbilly marital bed, but here are some facts. Farmer H wears a C-PAP mask every night. He sleeps on the left side of the bed, the bathroom side. His position varies from lying on his back, to either side. Mrs. HM shies away from the C-PAP spray every night. She sleeps on the right side of the bed, the back-porch French door side.

My favorite sleeping position is on my left side. I can drape my lovely lady-mullet over my ear and face, to keep Farmer H's breather droplets out of my ear. After a couple hours of sleep, I get up for the bathroom. When I return, I sleep on my back for the next couple of hours. This exposes my face to Farmer H's breather droplets!

To prevent feeling the whoosh of breather air (and DROPLETS) on my face, I use a towel. A small soft kitchen towel, folded in half, and half again. I can prop it on my pillow, laying it alongside my face. That blocks the draft (and DROPLETS).

As I came back to bed from the bathroom, the twilight of dawn seeping through the French doors, I could not find my face towel. I squinted.

NOOOOO!!!!!

I found my face towel. It was DRAPED OVER THE TOP OF FARMER H's C-PAP MASK!

Whoa! I feel faint, just typing those words. My very special face towel, which I had just washed the day before, was now CONTAMINATED, getting contaminateder by the second, in direct contact with Farmer H's face mask, as he lay on his left side, face inches from my pillow! I snatched it away. Shook it out beside the bed. Asked Farmer H,

"WHAT IN THE NOT-HEAVEN ARE YOU DOING WITH MY FACE TOWEL?"

"Nothing. You put it on me."

"I did NOT! That's the last thing I would ever do! I use it to PROTECT myself from your germs! Why would I put my face towel right in the middle of all your germs?"

"I don't know. I didn't put it there. You did."

"NO, I DIDN'T! It must have fallen off the pillow as I got up. And you just LEFT it there? Who does that? Your breather is to give you extra air, yet you will lay there with a towel over your snout, blocking air!"

"I didn't touch your face towel, HM. You put it on me, and I knew if I touched it to get it off, you would have a fit."

"How would I know you moved it! You could have put it back on my pillow! It just fell off."

"I just left it where you put it, HM."

Sweet Gummi Mary! I might have to start keeping a hammer under the bed...