Yes. The title is SALON. Not SALOON. Just sayin'... though I might be wishing the opposite.
Sunday evening, I helped the very active invalid Farmer H with his personal hygiene. Of course he had to be difficult about it. That's his nature.
"I can wash your hair in the kitchen sink. Like when I had to help The Pony with his broken ankle. No way can you get in the shower with that wire stuck in you and battery strapped on."
"I can get in the shower, as long as I don't turn around and let the water get on my back."
"How would you wash your hair? And the water will splash."
"I'd just duck my head over and wash it."
"And when you stood up, the water would drip down your back. So you can't."
"I'm going to run a bath in the big tub. I can sit on the side to wash myself, and get on my knees in the water. I can wash my hair in the tub."
"And the minute you lift your head, the water will drip down your back! Don't be so ridiculous. I'll wash it at the kitchen sink. It will take five minutes. Just sit on the stool and tilt your head back. I have the sprayer."
"I can't do THAT, HM! I can't lean my head back!"
"How in the world do you think you're going to wash your hair?"
"I can bend over the sink and you can spray it."
SWEET GUMMI MARY! Let's just make it harder. You try to help the helpless, and that's the thanks you get.
So... Farmer H stood at the kitchen sink with his elbows on the edge, and bent his fat head down into the sink. I stood on the opposite side of the counter, with the sprayer and a bottle of shampoo. Took less than five minutes. I made Farmer H drape a towel over his shoulders, despite his objections. Got the hair clean and rinsed, and dried with the towel. No water ran down his back to electrocute him with the wire and battery.
Then I followed him to the big triangle tub in the master bathroom. He ran about two inches of water in the bottom. Got on his hands and knees. I put a towel across his rumpus, covering the wire and battery pack velcro belt. Washed and rinsed his back with a washcloth. He washed his other parts, though I helped by squirting rinse water on certain inner rumpus areas with an old shampoo bottle.
Now Farmer H is squeaky clean, having washed his face and shaved before I got home from town. Only 11 more days of this until he goes back to the doctor.
And THEN WHAT? I don't know the next procedure at the follow-up.
2 comments:
Eleven more days? Surely he could skip a day here and there and just wipe certain places with baby wipes? To save you getting exhausted and unable to shop for scratchers.
River,
Farmer H is a dirty bird! We had to go through his cleansing routine again TONIGHT, and for sure we'll have to do it on Tuesday night, because he has an important meeting on Wednesday morning.
Lucky for me, I did my scratchers-shopping BEFORE the bathing ritual! He was smart enough not to tell me until after I got back. So saved himself a tongue-lashing, since having my scratchers puts me in a good mood. He even waited until I was done scratching. No good winners. But still a fun scratch.
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