Many years ago, when I was NOT RETIRED, and slogging through the public education trenches with my best old ex-teaching buddy Mabel... I must have done something good. Perhaps having missed it during my youth or childhood, the do-gooding oozed out of me near the end of my teaching career. I don't even remember what the particular act of selflessness might have been, but Mabel appreciated it, and told her mother. Who said: "Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is just like Mother Teresa."
I'm sure I pooh-poohed that proclamation, being a modest sort, not used to being lauded, never seeking the spotlight, content to operate from the shadows. But now, I want you all to know:
Mabel's mother was right!
Since Farmer H had his medical procedure last Thursday, I've been helping him out. You know, shampooing the leftovers of his hair in the kitchen sink. Washing his back in the big triangle tub in the master bathroom. Squirting rinse water from an empty shampoo bottle into his rumpus. [The Pony would turn over in his LLV (Long Life Vehicle) if he knew that his former 2-hour-per-night spa had been so sullied.]
Wednesday, I achieved the pinnacle of selflessness when not only did I shampoo and bathe Farmer H, but I WASHED HIS NAPPIES! His tighty-not-so-whities! Farmer H's briefs that I have not touched since our first year of marriage! When he refused to toss them in the hamper, and expected me to pick them up off the bedroom floor. Perhaps he's finally learning his lesson...
I told Farmer H that if he would put his underwear in the washer, I would soak them several times, and try to get the blood patch off the left rumpus area, where his bandage over the inserted wire had leaked. Too bad Farmer H had been carelessly tossing them into the lid of his own clothes hamper each evening, rather than trying to soak them while the stains were fresh.
Anyhoo... Farmer H got home around 4:30 on Wednesday evening. I was getting ready to leave for town. I told him there was no rush to gather his rumpus laundry, since I stay up late, and could wash them then.
"Just put them in the washer. I'll add some Tide With Bleach, let them agitate a minute, then soak for about an hour. They have to be in COLD water, though. Warm will set the stain. I'll probably run them through several wash cycles, and see how much of the stain I can get out."
When I came home, all the tighty-no-so-whities were in the washer! AND they were soaking! Okay, you're not going to believe this, but Farmer H, even though using the COLD/COOL setting rather than the COLD/COLD, had only turned on the faucet for cold water. So NONE of the hot water came through to change the cold setting to cool. Well done, Farmer H.
I tended those nappies from 6:00 p.m. until 7:00 a.m. Of course all the stains didn't come out. But most of the spot on his tucked-in shirt did. It's a gray polo shirt that he really likes, having worn it to a big meeting down in Casino Town that required SLACKS, NO JEANS, NO CAP. Unless you know a stain was there, and stare at the shirttail hanging over Farmer H's left rumpus if left untucked... you'd never know it had been soaked with Farmer H's life fluid as he sat for four hours in the meeting, and four hours in A-Cad.
Ouch. I think I hurt my arm patting myself on the back.
7 comments:
I always tended to blood stains as soon as the wearer took of the clothing item, first running cold water through the stain to get out as much as possible, then scrubbing with a yellow laundry soap bar to remove the rest if possible. If that didn't work completely then I soaked in cold water and bleach. Same method for grass stains on school and sports uniforms.
When drunk hubby slipped coming UP the stairs to our one bedroom apartment before kids, he landed in his hot greasy pizza, while wearing his dress uniform. I made him clean that mess himself once he woke up.
P.S. you are a good person to do all that for Farmer H.
River,
A quick cold-water soak does wonders. I usually make a paste of Tide powder and let it sit for a couple hours. I've never been a big bleach fan, since I once soaked shoestrings overnight, and woke up to find only the plastic ends!
I hope that pizza slip taught him a lesson! Though if he was like Farmer H, probably not...
***
River 2,
Farmer H DOES try to take care of me when I'm sick, so I don't really begrudge him this babying right now. He can't tend a wire-hole in his upper rumpus.
Hydrogen Peroxide. Works well on fresh blood stains, not too well on set stains. HeWho is not allowed to do laundry without supervision! He admits that he has no idea what all the buttons are for on the machines. If I am really down I can walk him thrrough it, but it is easier to just let it pile up until I can do it. I am happy to announce that he is finally doing dishes to my specifications .... occasionally.
Kathy,
That's one I haven't heard of, but it makes sense, what with the foaming. I don't think we've had hydrogen peroxide since the boys were little. Farmer H used to put it in his EARS, to get out pool water, I think. He gets bad swimmer's ear.
I have to keep tabs on Farmer H using the powdered Tide detergent. He used to think that he was meant to use the WHOLE SCOOP, when about 1/3 will still do the job. He is quite lax in cleaning out the lint trap on the dryer. It has been a topic during "This is the Time We Talk About the Most Recent Things You've Done Wrong."
I would not dream of having Farmer H do the dishes! He has a half-rumpused way of doing things he doesn't like.
Isopropyl alcohol would be better for the ear, says one of my old ER doctors. Of course He was one of the stubborn ones that balked at my bullying ways, but what do you want from a man named William Williams. I still wonder how a parent could do that. I used to sell those small bottles of Tide in the camp store. It clearly states right on the front of the bottle that it is concentrated and will do 6 loads. The men who bought it would use the entire bottle for one load. Idiots.
Kathy,
Oh my gosh! William Williams! I hope he went by BILL. Being a doctor, that would be appropriate!
Tide might have the directions, but the powder still has those giant scoops for men to fill to the brim!
Post a Comment