Thursday, November 11, 2021

The Insanity Of A Farmer H Description

You may recall that Farmer H does not describe things like any other human on earth. Oh, no. He has his own way of explaining, and if you don't get it, YOU CAIN'T UNDERSTAND NOTHIN'!

Wednesday evening, The Pony got home around 7:00. Only a 10.5-hour day! I warmed up his leftover pasta that I had frozen last time we used the expired pasta, and heated two slices of frozen garlic toast from Save A Lot. Otherwise, The Pony says he'll make something after his 2-HOUR NIGHTLY SOAK IN THE BIG TRIANGLE TUB IN THE MASTER BATHROOM. Then he falls asleep, or is too tired to cook. So he gets up hungry. Or eats a snack of soft garlic cheese with crackers at 3:00 a.m., and is nauseated on his 6:00 a.m. route. Like on Monday.

Anyhoo... The Pony was sitting at the marred coffee table, just waiting to drop some saucy pasta on my carpet, I'm sure. I was on the short couch, and Farmer H in his recliner. They were discussing Pony House closet. The main closet that will be in the master bathroom. Farmer H plans for it to be a walk-in closet, but with an accordion door. I think it should be a regular long closet, and not waste the room to step into it. Farmer H thought I meant to LITERALLY not step into it. The part about NOT leaving a 2-3 foot corridor in the middle of the closet was lost on him.

"HM! You'll HAVE to walk in the closet! Nobody has 4-foot-long arms! You can't stand outside the closet and reach the clothes!"

"I don't mean THAT. Instead of a short rack on one side, and shelves on the other, you could have a long rack across the whole closet. You could still have shelves or cubbies at one end. Just don't hang clothes all the way down the rod. At the other end, you could have a lower rack, too. So you could double the hanging room at one end."

"No. You're not getting it!"

"Mom. He knows what he's doing."

"I just think that would be wasting space, to leave an open area to walk in."

"HM. Look. Since you can't ever understand anything..."

Farmer H held up an envelope. A regular business-size envelope. He ran his finger along the bottom edge.

"Here. This envelope is the closet. You're here. At the back of the closet--"

"Wait! Why am I at the BACK OF THE CLOSET? Can't you show me like I'm standing in the bathroom, getting ready to reach into the closet? Nobody is going to be standing against the back wall of the closet, looking out!"

"OH MY LORD! Here, then!"

Farmer H actually took that envelope, and FLIPPED IT 180 DEGREES. He ran his finger along the bottom of the envelope again. Which was actually the flap part now, since he'd flipped it over.
 
"NOW you're at the FRONT of the closet..."
 
The Pony cut eyes at me. So much for being loyal to his dad.

"SERIOUSLY? Did you just do that? Did you FLIP the envelope over to say I'm at the front of the closet??? Why not just say, 'Okay, you're at the front of the closet looking in.' It's not like the envelope is the actual closet!"
 
Farmer H droned on as if any normal person would flip over an envelope to pretend I was on the other side. We know they would not.

2 comments:

River said...

Walk in closets are great, but in smaller spaces a long closet seems a better idea. It's what we have here in all these flats and pretty much anywhere else that's older. We open the doors and there is everything right in front of us. Hanging rod going right across usually, and drawers or cubbies only if people have added them later. That's why we have chests of drawers for things that don't get hung. Some places have sliding doors instead of normal open-outwards doors to save space.

Hillbilly Mom said...

River,
I agree. Walk-in space is unused space. The closet in our master bathroom is bigger than the whole main-level bathroom at my sister the ex-ex-mayor's house! So we can spare that walking space, with a rack on the left for ME, and a rack (hopefully not collapsing again) on the right for Farmer H. He has a small chest of drawers at the back, as you walk in, which is under the electric box with all the breakers. I love my closet!

My mom had the sliding doors in her master bedroom closet. It was a double closet, one side for my dad, one side for Mom. I think they're also called "pocket doors" if they slide into a wall.

That's what I envision for The Pony's closet. A hanging rod going across, with perhaps a lower hanging rod on the left side, halfway across. So he'd have double room for shirts and short items, and room also for full length, like if he didn't want to fold pants across a hanger, but use the clip kind of hanger. Farmer H wants shelves on the right end, which could also fit. Ultimately, Farmer H and The Pony will decide on the closet arrangement. I imagine The Pony will have a dresser or chest in his bedroom for folded clothing.