Sunday I needed my stove burners. We had been feasting on non-stove meals like the super nachos, and a frozen meats pizza that only required the oven. But Sunday, I wanted to make a pot of beans. I scrapped that plan and went with some pasta shells (have I mentioned that I don't like spaghetti because it takes too much effort to eat?) with a hamburger and mushroom sauce. So I needed my big front burner, that had suffered the charring during the sausage/cabbage/potato boiling, and the small back burner behind it, which wasn't completely decommissioned, but still sent up some smoke when turned on.
You might recall that Farmer H had feinted at putting in my new burner drip pans, but finally stopped when he saw what lay beneath. I had put off cleaning out those burners, just because I was ticked off that Farmer H had tried to act like he was going to do it, and get the glory of new stove burner drip pans.
Anyhoo... I took the most immediately-needed burners apart. I scrubbed around the rim, and under the drip pans, with my Barkeep's Friend. I prefer Comet myself, but Farmer H had this stuff, and I was all out of Comet. Got my cleaned area all rinsed and dried. I put the new burner drip pan in. Plugged in my burner. Went to snap down the little lever on the opposite side of the plug-in, and
IT DIDN'T GO IN!
The hole in the new burner drip pan for that little lever was TOO SMALL for the grabby part to go through. It looked like it went through, on the large front burner, but that little lever would not stay snapped in. The prongs didn't go all the way through. On the smaller back burner, the grabby part would not even go through the hole at all.
You know what I had to do, right? In order to cook my shells and sauce? I had to CLEAN THE OLD stove burner drip pans!!! That's easier said than done. That big one was charred solid. I took out my other two burners and drip pans, cleaned all around them, and washed up those two drip pans to use on the burners I prefer. Then I tried to clean the worst two drip pans as best I could, and put them on the less-used burners.
That task took me THREE HOURS!
I sent Farmer H a picture of the problem. He replied: "OK."
Of course when Farmer H got home, he went to the stove, and took apart my handiwork, to prove to me that the new burner drip pans would work. Heh, heh! They didn't! Even though he pounded and tried to force that grabby thing through the too-small hole. Then Farmer H stacked the old drip pans in the new drip pans, held them up to the light, spun them around, looked at it upside down, while saying, "Them holes look the same. I don't know why the new ones won't work."
"BECAUSE THE HOLE IS TOO SMALL! I don't know how you can't see that!"
Then Farmer H declared that he should be able to use his Dremel tool to enlarge the holes.
"Or... you could just buy different drip pans, not from the Dollar Store."
"Why spend the money?"
Oh, I don't know... maybe so YOU CAN HAVE FOOD TO EAT???
Sweet Gummi Mary! You can get a set of 4 at the Devil's Playground for $10. It's not like we'll have to sell off any of Farmer H's precious collectibles to afford them!
There are my new useless burner drip pans, in all their cheap glory. The large opening for the plug-in part of the burner, and the little hole opposite it for the grabby part to fit through.
Anyhoo... Sunday night, I asked Farmer H if he had his Dremel tool over in the BARn. Nope. It's at the flip house in town. You know, on the way to his precious Senior Center where he goes for lunch and bingo. But they're not open on MLK day. And Farmer H is unable to drive that extra five miles to get it, because he is only going to Casey's for his morning donuts, then coming back home for the first time in six months, to work in the BARn.
I don't know why I care so much about having usable burners to prepare Farmer H's meals. I am perfectly happy with a tuna salad sandwich. Too bad Farmer H hates tuna.
4 comments:
I didn't realise you were getting actual drip pans, I was thinking of the aluminium foil ones we can get here that are disposable, you just sit them inside the real drip pans until they are burned/charred/spilled on enough to throw out and replace.
I haven't actually seen any of the disposables for yonks because here the coils are a sealed-to-the-hob unit, so any spillovers can't run down and under.
River,
I saw some of the aluminum foil type when I was looking at prices, wondering why Farmer H acted like it was such a big deal to buy a different set. I don't know of anybody who has used the foil kind.
Granted, my stove is as old as The Pony. But they still make this version with the burners that plug in.
I feel your pain .... I don't have a stove at all!! Why is it that you always want to use what you don't have? I made cornbread tonight in the toaster oven. It was okay, but I like it when it has a crispy crunch and it didn't. Plus, I had to make it in two batches! But it is a rule to have corn bread with beans and smoked pork over rice, right? Etiquette must be kept!
Kathy,
I cried because I had no drip pans, but then I remembered a woman who has no stove! So sorry for flaunting my kitchen appliance wealth.
I always make corn muffins, and I like when they get a little crispy edge where they puff out of the pan. I will be making a pot of Great Northerns with the Christmas hambone on Monday. Mmm... I put it off during the coldest weather, to have something with hamburger so the dogs could have evening grease bread to tide them over until morning feedings.
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