Mrs. Hillbilly Mom Is Old Enough

Sweet Gummi Mary! Can't a day go by without some fresh hornet's nest falling on Mrs. HM's head, putting her in a tizzy first cat out of the bag?

Wednesday, I sat down at the kitchen table and opened up HIPPIE for my morning (noonish) innernetting session. I won't say I was happily humming a tune. I did have that headache. But catching up on the overnight conspiracies is a pleasant time of day for me. I perused some main stories in the BING news feed. Then signed in to my Google account for blog and email. REEEEEEEE!

Instead of the box to type in my password, I got a box from Google saying I must verify my age! MY AGE! Google is no gentleman. Of course I was discombobulated. Why in the world should I enter my birthdate? That's what was specifically requested. So Google could determine if I was OLD ENOUGH to have a gmail account. Oh, and to streamline the advertising to feed me what they thought I'd want to swallow.

I HAVE HAD THIS ACCOUNT SINCE 2005!

Does Google think I started my account before the age of 2? You know, since I've had the account for 16 years now, and the only way I could still be underage is if I started the account before the age of 2.

WHAT IN THE FRESH NOT-HEAVEN IS THIS?

Oh, the box said it was a legal matter! That's why they needed my date of birth. Otherwise Google would be breaking the law by allowing me to have a gmail account.

ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME?

It would be different if I just opened a new account. I've been on there for a coon's age. Why do I all of a sudden (don't you hate it when young whippersnappers say 'all of THE sudden'?) need to verify my age? As you might surmise, Mrs. HM does not like putting her DOB out on the innernets. No good can come of that.

Of course I googled this requirement (probably not the smartest thing to do, consult my enemy concerning his battle tactics), and found stuff from 2012. Maybe that's when this policy went into effect. Still doesn't explain why I must immediately provide this information (BY UPLOADING A DRIVER'S LICENSE OR GOVERNMENT ID!), or have my account shut down in 14 days. Really? For sure? Or is this a bluff? You don't need ID to vote (around here we do), but you do to have a gmail account? Isn't that discrimination???

I was getting all wound up. A workaround (according to my enemy) is to instead submit a credit card number. Because supposedly 2-year-olds can't get credit cards, I guess. Do you think I want my credit card information on my Google account?

Farmer H had wandered through the kitchen, and I was spouting off to him. Of course he was no help. Genius is all the way across the country, selfishly working a high-paying job, leaving me high and dry in the tech department. And my little Pony is now a FED! So I did the only thing I could think of, and...

HIT THE 'BACK' ARROW!

There. Now I had my regular sign-in screen. With trepidation, I opened HIPPIE the next morning, and he worked like normal! I mentioned it to The Pony that evening BBTT (Before Big Triangle Tub), and he said,

"Oh, THAAAAT? They do it to a lot of people. I never put in the information. Not once. And nothing has ever happened to my account."

Let's hope that's true for me. I have to believe it. It's straight from The Pony's mouth.