Wednesday, January 16, 2019

Mrs. Hillbilly Mom Is Butthurt

Yes. It's true. I've hurt my butt.

Now don't go thinking I've overextended myself with a New Year's Resolution workout plan. No siree, Bob! I'm pretty sure I hurt myself sitting down on the toilet. It's not a resolution. I pretty much have planned all along to sit on the toilet throughout 2019. No special resolution there.

I suppose my ample buttocks are not as ample as they once were. Because I have a pain in that bone where your butt cheek turns into your upper leg. It's pretty hurty. I have to lean sideways on my broken-armed rolly chair in my dark basement lair. And adjust my position every five minutes or less. Getting up hurts. Bending over to pick up anything off the floor hurts. Ascending and descending the 13 steps to the basement hurt. Climbing into T-Hoe hurts. At least my OPC (Old People Chair) has a lot of cushioning.

I think it happened last night, when I left my OPC and paid a visit to the NASCAR bathroom. My right knee was acting up a bit, and I suppose I plopped down on the toilet more forcefully that usual, favoring the knee, not wanting to bend it too tight. In retrospect, I wish I'd held onto the edge of the air-brushed race-car countertop, to slow my trajectory. Also, that I'd not used the words plopped and toilet in the same sentence.

Surely I will feel better in a couple days. I'm writing about it Sunday night, so by the time you read it, perhaps I'll have healed already.

6 comments:

River said...

It sounds like a hamstring injury, particularly since your knee has been hurty as well, all those tendons are somewhat connected. Massage in some Tiger Balm or whatever is your favourite equivalent, to help relax the muscles in that area.

Hillbilly Mom said...

River,
I have a tube of Thera-Gesic sitting on my the counter to the left of my desk. Wait a minute. It's on the floor. I think Farmer H knocked it off when he was overstepping his bounds in the Great Ethernet Experiment of '19. It's a fragrant wintergreeny balm that brings the heat for about 15 minutes. I've been out in public every day, so I didn't slather it on. However...my butt is better!

I guess it's one of those aging drawbacks. The slightest thing can cause you to hurt yourself, but in a few days it resolves.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I have used so much Thera-Gesic lately that I can't even smell it anymore. My dogs are even used to it! So, that makes me wonder if it really works, or am I just getting used to the pain?

Hillbilly Mom said...

Kathy,
Like Vicks VapoRub, the Thera-Gesic always works best the first time. Then it's like it builds up a waterproof coating, no matter how much you try to scrub it off in the shower, and it doesn't soak in as well the next time. It works great in the beginning, though. Even my expired version!

fishducky said...

Have you ever hurt yourself just by sleeping?

Hillbilly Mom said...

fishducky,
YES! I'll wake up with a glitch in my knee that wasn't there where I went to bed! I blame Farmer H. I wake up when he karate chops me between the shoulders, and when his raptor-like talons carve my lower legs...but he must have a more stealthy way of twisting my joints.