Tuesday, December 15, 2020

Nuclear Family Winter Is Coming

Monday finally showed us what winter will bring. High temps in the 30s. Farmer H underfoot.

It's a pity that Farmer H's crew is not a more hardy lot. Granted, most of them are older than he. With bones more grindy, that feel the chill more deeply. So he's not hanging out at his Storage Unit Store every day until suppertime.

The Pony and I are on a similar schedule. We stay up late, and sleep in. Neither of us has anywhere we need to go. A 44 oz Diet Coke will wait for me all afternoon. I generally go to bed at 6:00, get up at 11:00, and head to town at 1:00. The Pony keeps odder hours. He's usually asleep by the wee hours of the morning. Sometimes he's up and showered by 9:00. Sometimes he's up, but waits for the shower until I leave for town.

Farmer H is out of the house by 8:00. Sometimes by 7:00. I know he thinks it's a secret that he drives to Casey's every morning for donuts. It's not. If times were different, he'd be one of those old guys sitting around Hardee's for three or four hours with a cup of coffee. But without the coffee. These days, he comes back home to putter around in his BARn or Freight Container Garage. Where he's trying to clear out the remainders of his Original 18 Storage Units that have been there for two years.

Nothing is as disconcerting as sitting at the front window with your HIPPIE at 11:45, and seeing, over the screen, Farmer H driving up in the Gator.
"I come over to get The Pony to help me move two cabinets. Is he up?"
"Yes... and while you're in here, I need you to sign the back of that insurance refund check. I'm going to the bank to deposit it."
"PONY! I need you to come help me move some cabinets!"
"Oh. You're not dressed yet?"
"No. I haven't had a shower. I'll do that, and I'll be ready. Let me shut down what I've got going."
"WAIT! I was just getting ready to take MY shower! I'll freeze to death!"
"It don't have to be right now. I have to clear some room where I want to move them. You'll get dirty, too. They ain't very clean. Can't you just put some old clothes on, and take your shower later?"

"I'll do it now."

"Let your mom take her shower. I might drive to town for some lunch. Then you can do it."

Farmer H got up in a huff, shaking his head, unhappy that his serfs were not asking how high he wanted them to jump. 

"Now now now! Gotta do it now! You always disrupt our routine."

"I wait until noon before I even come back in the house! I should have asked my buddy to come out and help. I'll get it moved."

Farmer H went to the dogs. At least THEY love having him around. They started barking their fool heads off, to run along with the Gator. The Pony came back out of his room, like an eel out of a rock at the bottom of the ocean.

"If he had told me what he wants moved, I could go and do it."

"I think it will take both of you. He's going to lunch. You can text him when you get out of the shower. I'm taking mine now. About 15 minutes, I'll be out and you can start. You'll have enough hot water, since I don't take a 45-minute shower."

I went to the kitchen to fill out my deposit slip. And sent Farmer H a text. 

"Signature? I guess I can forge it."

Immediately, I heard the baying of the fleabags. Farmer H appeared at the kitchen door to sign the back of the refund check.

While I like having Farmer H where I can keep tabs on him, I DON'T look forward to him being underfoot until spring.


River said...

Farmer H sounds a lot like my L (ex-the second), gets an idea and expects everyone around to instantly be up to speed and ready to act on his whim.

Sioux Roslawski said...

Until spring. Unless he decides that the whole mansion's interior needs his special decorating touch... and he needs to concentrate on each room, one by one, a couple of months on the motif for each room.

Oh, I hope Santa brings what I want for YOU for Christmas...

Hillbilly Mom said...

Yep. And everyone should have the same sleeping and eating schedule as he does. AND he can roam the countryside from 8:00 to 5:00, but I am a problem because I'm in the basement.

NO! Santa should pass us by this year. Farmer H can build his own "rooms" outside if he feels the need to decorate again!