To talk of many things
Of dye and bangs and tendril-fly
Of Farrah Fawcett wings
Lovely lady-mullet length
And neck-nape collar clings
Yep. I had to do it. Had to succumb to my second haircut since Stay-At-Home-Down. You know how I hate a haircut. But even more, I hate spitting strands of stringy hair out of my mouth when I can't touch my face until a good handwashing.
I colored it at home, thanks to L'Oreal and The Pony. He picked up hair color for me, from my list a while back, since he's bearing the Devil's Playground load. Unfortunately, I did not realize that I'd forgotten to list ASH in the name of the hue. Medium ASH Brown. So now I look like somebody dunked my head in melted dark chocolate. Mmm... dark chocolate.
That's not too bad. It will fade. But it won't shrink. So I checked in on my Terrible Cuts app while sitting in front of the School-Turn Casey's, and saw that only one person was ahead of me, and there was a 6-minute wait. By the time I got to their parking lot, my wait was 0 minutes. I grabbed my St. Louis Blues mask, and hoofed it inside. They won't let anyone in without a mask, you know. Though I'd like to see two hairdressers trying to strong-arm a strong man out of there.
No such excitement was to be had. A lady sat in the waiting chairs. I saw her name below mine on the list. Sucks to be beaten out by a tap of the finger, huh? The gal took me right back.
Here's the thing. My Terrible Cutter was the sister of one of The Pony's high school cronies. I've had her before. As I said this morning, coming out of the bathroom after a shower and subsequent haircombing,
"Every time she cuts my hair, I marvel at how she can do a worse job each time!"
Seriously. I wish I'd had my Janice Dickinson (the world's first self-proclaimed supermodel) lookalike cut my hair. But no. She was cutting the hair of some bald old man. She's really good, Faux Janice. Or else she's good at pretending she's cutting hair on a bald man. Probably good tips in that.
Anyhoo... Terrible Cutter LOOKED like she was doing a good job. She took 2-3 inches off the back. She cut the bangs even with my eyebrows. She put in layers. She made small talk about people we know. Then she released me. I gave her a tip. Then I headed home.
WHERE I WAS SHOCKED TO SEE THE LEFT SIDE LONGER THAN THE RIGHT!
And... the front part, by my face, was too long. It seemed longer than the back. My first clue should have been when I walked outside the shop, and the wind immediately blew tendrils into my mouth. That was what I'd just gotten it cut for!!!
Really. Faux Janice gives me the best haircuts. Not quite terrible. Then again, she's an old lady just like me. Maybe Terrible Cutter was trying to be all artsy about it, with her young whippersnapper ways. I may hack at it myself in a day or two.
After my casino trip.