Thursday, December 10, 2020

Thank The Gummi Mary He's Not A Criminal

Farmer H would be locked up, key at the bottom of a landfill, if he had criminal tendencies. He's just not a good liar. And he's always setting himself up to be caught. Like a couple days ago, when I noticed my Crocs out of place. The stalling game, rather than a quick denial of wearing them, while under interrogation, resulted in his conviction, though the judge and jury saved him from the executioner.

Tuesday, Farmer H returned to the Mansion for lunch, to heat up some hot dogs he'd grilled on Gassy G Jr, under the Christmas lights, the night before. He was moving things around in the kitchen, hollering to me in the living room, that he was going to bring some of the Ponytail Guy's milk over from the BARn. 

"This milk in here is bad," he said, peering at the date, then setting it back on the shelf.

"Wait a minute! Are you going to LEAVE it there? You just said it was bad! WHO does that? You picked it up, read the date, and PUT IT BACK! Do you think it's MY job to go in there and throw it out?"

Farmer H sighed, making sure I could hear it in the living room. He opened up FRIG II again, took out the milk, and left through the laundry room. He can't simply pour bad milk off the back porch. He has to soggy-up the dogs' dry food with it. I hope the squirrels like dog food cereal!

Seriously. That milk was in there for making some flavored noodle packets. We had not used it, because of so much Ponytail Guy freebies. The only usage had been Farmer H, having a glass with his cherry pie in the days after Thanksgiving. There was about half a half-gallon of milk left. Past the date. I don't think about milk, because I don't drink it. I wasn't cooking with it. So I figured if it was past the date, then Farmer H, the guy who'd been drinking it on a nightly basis, would have discarded it.

Which he DID. One way, or another...


Sioux Roslawski said...

It sounds like you're creating a toxic homelife for Farmer H. Your expectations are more unhealthy than that spoiled milk.

So he pulled the milk out of the refrigerator? That meant he did half the work in the kitchen... and we all know that kitchen work is women's work.

He saved you from having to pull it out a few months from now, when it would have become a smelly, clotted mess.

You should be thanking him, not interrogating him or griping about him. Your expectations are way too tough for anyone to meet. Ease up on poor Farmer H. He deserves a pleasant life...

River said...

I check the date on milk too, but then I also give it the sniff test, because often enough, milk will be good for almost a week after the use by date.
My kids have a fridge crammed with cartons in various stages of milk, thickened almost yoghurt, and watery liquid with a solid lump at the bottom of the carton, no one seems to want to empty them out.

Hillbilly Mom said...

He deserves a PEASANT life! Last night, I even carried him a bowl of the Ponytail Guy's thick white yogurt. Not to mention that I included a spoon (although one I'd licked off of), PLUS flavoring in the yogurt. And yet Farmer H had the audacity to make a face when he tasted it! More on that another day...

Yes, it does stay good a few days past. I suppose Farmer H sniffs it for mold! I've had the honor of the milk clot disposal. I don't even drink milk!

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I drink almond milk. HeWho refuses to even try it with cereal. He buys his own milk, but he leaves the disposal of the bad milk entirely up to me. He refuses to try yogurt. Pretty much everything that might be good for him is what he will not try, rather just bitch about what he can't have.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Maybe you could make his cereal for him, and "accidentally" pour the spoiled milk in the bowl! Oops! Wouldn't have happened if he threw it out when he knew it went bad.