It's pretty much a done deal that The Pony has sustained serious psychological damage from my comments! But I can't take ALL the credit! Farmer H has a tongue in this as well.
Farmer H said he would BBQ some FREE Ponytail Guy chicken on Sunday. So Saturday I picked up some bratwursts from Save A Lot for The Pony, because he doesn't like chicken with bones in it. Sunday morning (noon to 1:30) I made potato salad and baked beans. Usually The Pony assists me, but he's been working 11-hour days, including Friday and Saturday. I didn't want to disturb him, so I did it all without him. UNTIL I needed the lid off the pickle jar.
Every time I opened up FRIG II to get ingredients, I was hit by the aroma of the bratwursts. They make their own, assorted flavors. We like the plain ones better than the cheese or jalapeno version. They're bigger and tastier than the Johnsonville Brats. I think Save A Lot puts a lot of garlic in their bratwursts. I was nervous when I brought them home from town, because I had to carry them with me, lest Copper Jack pull them out of T-Hoe's rear, or off the chair on the side porch where I used to set my groceries until I was ready to go up the steps. I really miss The Pony's assistance on shopping days!
Anyhoo... the minute I opened up the hatch, those dogs' noses started twitching. Yes. Those sausages smelled delicious. T-Hoe even smelled like them today when I got in. While I was sitting at the kitchen table peeling four boiled eggs to put in the potato salad, I could smell them inside FRIG II.
Anyhoo... I called The Pony to open the pickle jar I had set on the cutting block. He came in all disheveled, still unshowered, wondering what I wanted.
"I can smell your sausage from here!"
The Pony gave me an inquisitive glance. Or maybe a veiled stare that meant "Have you lost your mind, woman?"
"Your bratwursts. Did you see them last night?"
"Yes. Every time I opened the door, I smelled them. But you didn't have to say it that way."
Heh, heh. The Pony should know me by now. At least I'm humorous about what I'm doing. Farmer H is not. Consider last week, when we were discussing a nickname for The Pony. He prefers it over his given name.
"I'll just call you 'Pony' if that's okay. I already use it, and that's how I think of you."
"I'll get back to you on that. But it's probably okay. Not like what Dad said. He said he might call me 'Hummer.' Because when I help him with stuff, I'm always humming. He already did it twice. 'C'mon, Hummer, we don't have all day.'"
"PLEASE! Stop! I'm gonna pee my pants! Do you know what a 'hummer' is?"
"Yes, Mother. I know what a hummer is."
"And you didn't tell him to stop calling you that?"
"Not at the time. But I will. I didn't know if he knows what that means."
"I'm sure he does!"
In fact, when the topic was broached, Farmer H admitted that yes, he DID know what 'hummer' meant. Poor Pony. He doesn't stand a chance.
Out of respect for him, I used 'sausage' instead of 'wiener.'
6 comments:
Now I'm wondering what a Hummer is if it isn't a humming bird or that big overgrown Jeep I sometimes hear called a hummer. Unless I'm getting that wrong too.
The Pony seems to be an extra sensitive sort. Maybe he should spend time in Australia, we'd knock the corners of that delicacy in no time.
River,
Not a hummingbird! There IS a large vehicle officially named a Hummer, which is a civilian version of a military Humvee (which stands for High Mobility Multipurpose Wheeled Vehicle).
However, the hummer in question here is a slang term for the act of gratification that Monica Lewinsky gave (my man) Bill Clinton under the Resolute Desk in the White House Oval Office, his lying about of which resulted in his impeachment (but not conviction).
I snorted at the thought of The Pony getting the delicacy knocked off him! Is that wrong?
I had no idea "that" was called a hummer.
Not at all wrong to snort at my suggestion.
River,
You can take the teacher out of education, but you can't take the education out of the teacher!
The Pony endured a delicacy-knocking today! He didn't even have to fly across the pond. Story coming up.
I used to work with a pharmacist from Israel who was a bit younger than me, but not much. She was in an arranged marriage and this woman worked too much to send her boys to medical school. She worked every other week at a hospital and the off weeks she worked at Walmart. Her husband ran a deli with authentic mid eastern food. She would come to work at 9am after cleaning the grease traps and doing all the prep work for the day and then work until 9pm. She was a worker! I arrived at work one afternoon still chuckling about something Meredith Vierra had said on TV. Of course Izzy wanted to know why I was amused. They were talking about a snow storm that kept the children home from school and her children had a bunch of friends over. They were playing a game called Dictionary where a child would choose a word by opening the dictionary and blindly place their finger on a word. She related how she had almost broken the child's finger slamming the book shut when she saw that the chosen word was "cunnilingus"! Izzy looked at me blankly as she didn't know what the word meant, Of course I laughed even more before I explained it to her as delicately as possible. She looked at me with her glasses on her nose and asked, "Kathy, how do you know this word?" with her very strong accent. Laughing even harder I told her that I read a lot. "Do other people know this word?" The accent adds a lot to the story and I relayed my story to another worker in her 20's and she got it right away. Like me, she told Isabelle that she read a lot (I was the only one allowed to call her Izzy). I teased her unmercifully all night long, asking if she was going to ask her husband if he knew the word and assured her that her sons would know that word! I miss her! I really miss her baklava!!
Kathy,
That is HILARIOUS! Which reminds me of the SNL skit about "Colonel Angus." Here's a link. It's a little over 5 minutes, but you'll get the gist of it in the first two. Christopher Walken plays Colonel Angus.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3l2oi-X8P38
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