Sunday, June 20, 2021

We're Practically Family, Right?

Friday I stopped to pick up the mail on my way to town. Wouldn't you know it? There was my DISH bill. On the 18th. Due the 25th. I figured that if I mailed it THAT DAY, there was a chance it might arrive on time. 
Of course, it WAS a Friday, and after the time the mail goes out at 11:00 or 11:30, depending which post office. I decided to drive it over to Sis-Town, to the main post office. That would save me a day, or FOREVER, since the AT&T bill I mailed at the dead mouse smelling post office two months ago STILL has not cleared the bank.

I wrote out my check and stuffed it in the enclosed envelope. Sweet Gummi Mary! I did NOT have a stamp! Even more annoying, I'd just bought 4 BOOKS of stamps on Monday! But they were on the kitchen counter. I was not wanting to turn around and drive back up the potholed gravel road, expending another 15-20 minutes by the time I parked and hobbled up the steps and re-petted the fleabags.

Off I went to town. I had a dollar in my pocket to pay for a single 55-cent stamp. It would have to be a stamp. None of that pressing the postage on it with a hand stamp. The return envelope had a message in the stamp area about paperless billing. How dare they!!!

There was only one guy ahead of me at the main post office. But he had an oblong box that he was jawing about. He had ordered something that wasn't right, and needed to send it back. Meanwhile, the new one he ordered was on the way. According to him, he had a couple thousand dollars in the mail until the matter was resolved. Not that I was eavesdropping, or even wanted to know. It's not an interesting tale. I think he was trying to impress the new counter girl, who is no spring chicken, but maybe a mid-summer chicken.

Anyhoo... he could have been filling out the label she gave him with the marker she gave him, rather than chatting like he was on a first date. Counter Girl was waiting for him to shut up so she could ask him the address, to type in for another label she was printing out with postage on it. I bear him no ill will. He seemed like a pleasant enough fellow. Although inefficient. He might have been miffed at ME for horning in on his pick-up spiel. 

Anyhoo... Counter Girl motioned me to the counter after telling him he could shift over to the side for room to do his label-writing.

"I can help you while he's doing that."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hold up the line."

"That's okay. I don't have anywhere I have to be." [Even though it was already going on 4:00, and I wanted to get home and eat some ham salad for my lupper. It's not HIS fault that I sleep until 11:30, then play Candy Crush until my lives run out.] "I just need one stamp, to mail my bill."

"That is just as important as anyone else's business!"

"Well, I'm not sure I need the royal treatment for a 55-cent stamp!"

"All transactions and all customers are equally important!"

She was the gal who had the TRAINEE notice posted the other day when I bought the stamps. I described her to The Pony.

"Short blond hair. A bob. Almost shoulder length. Not real young or real old. But more young than old."

"That describes about a dozen of the women who work there, but if she was training, she's probably the one I went to orientation with. I guess SHE really listened to the part about customer service!"

Yeah. I guess she did. She was very polite. Then again, maybe she saw the name on the return address, and realizes we're practically FAMILY.


Sioux Roslawski said...

Oh, I shiver with vicarious excitement over the perks you'll probably enjoy, now that The Pony is part of the USPS.

For example, if you get a stamp that needs to be licked, perhaps the cashier will volunteer their slobber. When you have to go to the post office, once they see you're in line, maybe one of those employees who is in the back--doing goodness-knows-what--will come to the front and usher you to their spot. The USPS around me gets their knickers all in a knot if I'm trying to send a letter without a return address. Perhaps if you claim to be too weak to scrawl your return address on a letter, they would volunteer to do it for you... with calligraphy.

Oh, you're going to be treated like postal royalty... How exciting!

River said...

That was a lovely Post Office encounter, but for next time, here's what you do: take one of those books of stamps and put it inside the cover of your checkbook. Do it right now. Then you'll have a stamp handy right when you need one. Of course if you pay the bills online you don't have to worry about stamps or the envelopes getting there on time.

Hillbilly Mom said...

OOH! I'm sure you're right! I might have my own special line, demarcated by red velvet ropes! Perhaps a gift bag with change-of-address cards, and three-day-hold forms, and my own special pen, and the peel-off labels for Flat-Rate Shipping...

Yes, yes! The old-school stamps! I can just say, "Stick out your tongue, Missy!" and swipe it across. I will practice my "arthritic claw" hand for authenticity when requesting the calligraphic return address service! I am literally chortling, and rubbing my hands together with glee!

Apparently, you are USPS Enemy #1. How dare you be remiss in providing your return address, Madam! Don't you know that ALL MAIL is photographed? It has been for a while now. I think the excuse is terrorism, but more likely you are on a watch list for your nefarious attempted dog theft while disguised in men's clothing.

It was very nice. She is not yet jaded from years on the front lines!

I always carry stamps in my checkbook in my purse. Until I don't! I swear, that is the place I keep them. Two books, one flags, and whatever special stamps I have for Genius's letters. I had taken them out because they were almost gone, and I didn't want to dig through my purse while getting ready to head to town on BURGER KING DAY! Then I set down the new ones, because Genius's are STAR WARS, and on an oversize sheet that won't fit in my checkbook OR purse.

Don't you start that online chatter! I think DISH has hired you as an "influencer" to shame me into automatic payments! You are in cahoots! A cahooter! I will not be swayed! Nor cahooted!

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I suppose trusting the USPS Pony to carry your mail to work with him would not be a solution you would trust.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sweet Gummi Mary! That idea was shot down at first request, even with a stamp already in place!

"Since you're going there anyway, can you drop Genius's letter in the mail and save me a trip?"

"Um. I really don't go in that door."

"There's a drive-thru mailbox at the back of the lot."

"I don't park there. I don't go by it either."

Sheesh! You'd think I'd asked him to ride himself from St. Joseph to San Francisco!

River said...

Those answers from The Pony should get him a steely-eyed "look" from you. He's going right there so a few extra steps shouldn't be too much trouble!

Hillbilly Mom said...

The teacher stinky-eye! I'm just so giddy with delight that The Pony HAS A JOB that he even seems to like... I let him get by with too much sauciness.