Farmer H, The Contortionist

Oh, the lengths Farmer H will go to in order to declare the opposite of any opinion I might have! He plays a mental game of Twister. His mind goes through a more strenuous workout than a Chinese acrobat. His brain walks a line finer than a canyon-spanning tightrope of a Flying Wallenda.

A couple evenings ago, Farmer H was home at 4:00. I was headed to the master bathroom to change out of my town clothes. He barged past me into the bedroom to put the flip house keys on the dresser, then went into the bathroom.

"Oh. I guess I'll just wait here behind the couch until you're done."

Back came Farmer H. "I'm done now."

"Are you going back in the bedroom?"

"No. I'm going down to the basement." He kept walking, past me, to the steps.

"I just asked, because you left the light on in there."

"I left it on for you."

"I don't need a light. It's still daylight. Even if it was night, I can take one step into the bedroom and find the bathroom light as I go in."

"Huh." Farmer H huffed, and started back from the top of the basement steps.

"I'll turn it off when I go in there. My point is that as you came out, leaving that light on, I asked right then if you were going back. So you could turn it off then."

"I left it on for you."

"Nobody needs a light in the daytime! Just admit that you forgot to turn off the light!"

"But I didn't. I turned it on for you."

I don't believe that for one minute. It's a fight to get Farmer H to turn on the living room light in the dead of night at 8:00 p.m., even though all he has to do is reach his hand up from where he sits in the recliner. It's an opposite thing. And an oppositional thing. 

Let the record show that he didn't leave the BATHROOM light on for me!